When I’m sitting alone on a rainy day and everything inside me seems dark and sad, I find myself wondering and doubting whether I’ll ever find someone, who I want to settle down and have kids with. If I’ll ever be able to give my heart to someone again? If anyone will be able to handle all of me, including my bitchy kitty claws, mood swings and open mind of craziness? I’ve been a single lady for the past three years and even though I’ve had many flings and lovers, I haven’t met anyone that I could give my heart to, in that same way I did with my first and only boyfriend. However I’ve learnt a heck of a lot about myself and of all sorts of relations between man and woman, that I would never be without! And most of the time I do feel fantastic about being free and on my own, though the feeling of wanting a mate, like penguins mate, always rests firmly in the depts of my soul and sometimes reveals itself like a dagger, poking my heart.
Luckily I’m a very optimistic woman and even though I have my melancholic days where everything seems a bit empty, my positivity and light always shines through, leaving me with a smile on my face that says; “Of course it will happen Theresa. It will happen when you’re ready for it to happen.”
However not all people are as optimistic as I, and therefore struggle with all the emotions that come along with “not meeting that someone” or “feeling really lonely“, leaving them with empty feelings such as depression and low self-esteem or a partner that they actually don’t want to be with. I know of people, who continuously keep digging their own graves, as they desperately try to force a connection that’s not there, just to get turned down yet again. I know of people, who settle for “someone that ‘s just OK“, because they’re shit scared of being alone. I know of people, who almost have no self-respect left, as they keep letting people step all over them, because they don’t feel like they’re worth anything anyway. I know of people, who have lost all faith and hope in finding love, and therefore choose to close themselves off to people.
So how do we help ourselves get out of that state of mind, that makes us feel miserable, lovesick, lonely and desperate? And how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet?
Well.. I think we must start off with the words faith, accept and self-love. I have faith that ‘The Everything’ will present one hell of a man before my eyes when my time comes, when I’m ready for him to come. I believe, that there’s a reason I haven’t met ‘him’ yet, just as I believe that everything that happens has a purpose. I choose to have faith and believe in life.
If you have no faith in humanity and love you might struggle with seeing the beauty in situations or in people, which might make it harder to see the beauty within yourself. When we have little love for ourselves, it’s really hard for other people to enjoy our company for longer than a few hours. Why? Because we’ve sheltered our light and lust for life off with a dark cloud, that fogs and stains what we wear, what we eat, what we say, what we think, what we do and what we feel, filling us with a heavy and negative energy, that kinda sucks to be around.
To find faith in life we must start with expanding our philosophies and thoughts by living life to the fullest. By living life to the fullest we push ourselves into unknown waters that’ll help us grow. In order to start living life, we have to get out of our comfort zones from time to time and take a few baby steps into the wilderness of living and act like the kids we once were.
Then we must stop ourselves from having too many negative and self-derived thoughts, by changing them in our minds as they pop up. Say what?! Yes, here’s an example:
If you’re thinking:”Hmmff… I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to settle down with, and I’ll probably end up alone.. Oh no, I don’t want to end up alone. But what if no one wants me? Yes.. I don’t think anyone wants me.. What am I doing wrong?”, then you ought to change those thoughts into something like this:”I will meet someone one day, and I’ll never end up alone because I’ll be surrounded by so much love in my life. And I can’t wait to meet that someone, who wants me as much as I want him/her. It will all happen.”
Yes, I know what you might be thinking now.. “Ehh.. Duuh. As if you’ll be able to just change whatever you’re thinking into something positive, when you don’t believe in it yourself. How’s that gonna change anything?”
Well.. Have you ever denied doing something (that you did) so many times, that you then started to believe that you didn’t do it? I have. The mind is a powerful tool and we can use it, with our consciousness, to the benefit of our well-being. If we make it into a mantra to change our negative thoughts into positive ones, they’ll sooner than later start effecting our feelings and energies, and it’ll become easier and easier to do. Eventually we will start to believe what we’re saying to ourselves, which brings me to the theme of: How do we start loving ourselves?
When I bang myself on the head, because of something I did or said, I try to find accept within myself to say: “Done is done, said is said. I am only human, and far from perfect.” Because I’ve come to realise, that I cannot love myself if I don’t accept all of myself – including all my bad faces.
And sometimes when I feel like I’m all alone in the world, I wrap my arms around myself while lying in bed, and gently touch my cheek while thinking or saying out loud:”I love you Theresa, you’ve got such a nice heart. I love you so much.” And just by saying it to myself over and over, my mantra works its magic and fills me up with a warm connection to my heart again.
It might seem a bit strange to “speak” to yourself like that, but with practise it becomes less and less weird, until it feels completely normal. Louise Hay who’s a huge inspirational speaker and author (amongst other things) looks at herself in the mirror and says; I LOVE YOU. Personally I like doing it my way, however I know a lot of people, that have done or do just that, when they feel like they need a little bit of self-love.
So what has all this to do with my previous question: “how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet”?
Aha… let me tell you my theory (which isn’t really mine). When we work on loving ourselves and on finding that sparkling light from within, when we start believing in love and faith and hope and change our attitude towards the world, then everything will become much easier, and then.. When we’re really happy with where we are in our lives, that special someone might just drop down in front of us, like an angel sent from heaven. And if not.. There’s probably a reason for it.
I know all of this is easier said than done, but it’s worth digging in to. If it was easy to love one-self, humanity and life, there probably wouldn’t be hatred and war, which the world is so full of now. Let’s make a change. Let’s practise self-love and work on our positivity – it will do us real good, and who knows? It might even affect the world to the better.