The pub was stocked with the same local crew of alcohol-loving customers, from when I used to work there 4 or 5 years ago, which kinda took be by surprise, but not really. Walking around with my two hoops and salty sunburnt skin, I spotted a regular ‘schooner of carlton’ drinking man, that met my eyes with warmth and surprise. “Well hello! How on earth have you been? I haven’t seen you in ages. Are you good?” he genuinely asked after giving me a big hug. I sat down next to him and quickly skimmed the highlights of my past few years.. Hula Hooping, sexology, personal development, love, horses, New Zealand and bla bla bla.. I wasn’t really in the mood of talking about myself, so I turned the conversation around and started asking about him..
As we started chatting he opened up more and more, and told me about his dream to become an actor, which he recently started pursuing. He told me how his family thought he was doomed for, how they kept pushing him to settle down, have kids, get married, to become a responsible adult. I listened while thinking: “Well.. you do spend most of your time in a pub. If I was your family, I’d probably think those same things too.” But who am I to judge someone? So instead I tried tuning in on being present and listened openly to his words, and was actually surprised to discover how much he inspired me.
“I feel so happy and completely in my element when I’m on stage.” He told me as his eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “I know that it might not work out, but I’ve thought about attending acting school,” the 46-year old man then said. I felt amazed and as I finished off my corona to go busking, I looked at him and said;”Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has inspired me.” Because it takes guts to say, fuck it all.. This is my dream and I’m gonna pursue it. It takes guts to face your fears of “What if I’m not good enough, what if I lose everything, what if..” It takes guts to leave ones security zone and wander off into unknown waters. Which is why soooo many people end up living a life they might not love or be excited about, because “I couldn’t possibly do what I really want?” Well.. Why not? If a 46-year old (possibly alcoholic) man is giving it a go, then surely you and I can?
1. What do you want in life? Ask yourself, “What are my dreams“?
2. Ok.. How can you make those or that dream come true?
3. Then.. Why are you not making it happen? What is holding you back?
4. Commitments.. Ahh I see. What kind of commitments? Children? Ah yes. They’d get first priority. Can you make it happen anyway? Mortgage? Hmm.. No children? Then what’s holding you back?
5. Fear. Are you afraid of the unknown? Of disappointing? Of failure? Of being laughed at? Are you afraid of money problems? Of not being good enough? Why have you never pursued your dream? What were/are you afraid of?
6. Now ask yourself, “Why am I afraid of that?
One of my biggest fears is not being good enough. I’m a certified sexologist and is capable of giving therapy, however I haven’t given that much therapy. Why? Because deep down I’m scared of not being good enough to help. I’m a semi-professional hula hooper, though I’m often scared of busking for money. Why? Because I’m scared that no one will think I’m good enough for their coin. I was scared to start writing articles, because what if no one wanted to read them? What if people thought I was too much, too little or just real shit at writing?
But I summed up my courage and did it anyway. First off I asked myself: “Why is it so important to me to feel acknowledged by other people? Why aren’t I good enough the way I am? If other people can do it, then why can’t I?”
7. Positive thinking. Write this down: “I am amazing in what I do and what I can. I am good enough. I have the power to do whatever I want. I am love and I love myself just the way I am.”
8. Look at your list and take it in. Breathe. Read number 7 again and speak the words out loud to yourself.
9. Do you feel more inspired to take a baby step into the meeting of “I’m facing my fears and pursuing my dreams”?
10. If yes.. “High five, and good luck“.. If no.. “Well.. I guess my little list didn’t do much for you. Sorry.”
If you don’t know what your dreams are or what you want, but you know, that you want something else or something more in life, then ask yourself: “What do I love doing? What makes me happy? What makes me smile and energized? Write it down. Look at it. Do it, and then do those things some more. Who knows.. You might get a flow of renewed energy that’ll make you dream again.
I have many dreams and many things I’d like to do. . But I get scared all the time. Scared of love, of commitment, of not being good enough, of failure, of not being loved. However I’m not gonna let my fears rule me into not pursuing what I want from life. I’m gonna rule my fears and live a life on the edge, knowing that “at least I gave it a go” instead of wondering, “what would have happened if..”