How do we face our fears and pursue our dreams?

The pub was stocked with the same local crew of alcohol-loving customers, from when I used to work there 4 or 5 years ago, which kinda took be by surprise, but not really. Walking around with my two hoops and salty sunburnt skin, I spotted a regular ‘schooner of carlton’ drinking man, that met my eyes with warmth and surprise. “Well hello! How on earth have you been? I haven’t seen you in ages. Are you good?” he genuinely asked after giving me a big hug. I sat down next to him and quickly skimmed the highlights of my past few years.. Hula Hooping, sexology, personal development, love, horses, New Zealand and bla bla bla.. I wasn’t really in the mood of talking about myself, so I turned the conversation around and started asking about him..

As we started chatting he opened up more and more, and told me about his dream to become an actor, which he recently started pursuing. He told me how his family thought he was doomed for, how they kept pushing him to settle down, have kids, get married, to become a responsible adult. I listened while thinking: “Well.. you do spend most of your time in a pub. If I was your family, I’d probably think those same things too.” But who am I to judge someone? So instead I tried tuning in on being present and listened openly to his words, and was actually surprised to discover how much he inspired me.

I feel so happy and completely in my element when I’m on stage.” He told me as his eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “I know that it might not work out, but I’ve thought about attending acting school,” the 46-year old man then said. I felt amazed and as I finished off my corona to go busking, I looked at him and said;”Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has inspired me.” Because it takes guts to say, fuck it all.. This is my dream and I’m gonna pursue it. It takes guts to face your fears of “What if I’m not good enough, what if I lose everything, what if..” It takes guts to leave ones security zone and wander off into unknown waters. Which is why soooo many people end up living a life they might not love or be excited about, because “I couldn’t possibly do what I really want?” Well.. Why not? If a 46-year old (possibly alcoholic) man is giving it a go, then surely you and I can?

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But how do we do it? – I’d like you to find a pen and paper and answer my questions.

1. What do you want in life? Ask yourself, “What are my dreams“?
2. Ok.. How can you make those or that dream come true?
3. Then.. Why are you not making it happen? What is holding you back?
4. Commitments.. Ahh I see. What kind of commitments? Children? Ah yes. They’d get first priority. Can you make it happen anyway? Mortgage? Hmm.. No children? Then what’s holding you back?
5. Fear. Are you afraid of the unknown? Of disappointing? Of failure? Of being laughed at? Are you afraid of money problems? Of not being good enough? Why have you never pursued your dream? What were/are you afraid of?
6. Now ask yourself, “Why am I afraid of that?

One of my biggest fears is not being good enough. I’m a certified sexologist and is capable of giving therapy, however I haven’t given that much therapy. Why? Because deep down I’m scared of not being good enough to help. I’m a semi-professional hula hooper, though I’m often scared of busking for money. Why? Because I’m scared that no one will think I’m good enough for their coin. I was scared to start writing articles, because what if no one wanted to read them? What if people thought I was too much, too little or just real shit at writing?

But I summed up my courage and did it anyway. First off I asked myself: “Why is it so important to me to feel acknowledged by other people? Why aren’t I good enough the way I am? If other people can do it, then why can’t I?

7. Positive thinking. Write this down: “I am amazing in what I do and what I can. I am good enough. I have the power to do whatever I want. I am love and I love myself just the way I am.
8. Look at your list and take it in. Breathe. Read number 7 again and speak the words out loud to yourself.
9. Do you feel more inspired to take a baby step into the meeting of “I’m facing my fears and pursuing my dreams”?
10. If yes.. “High five, and good luck“.. If no.. “Well.. I guess my little list didn’t do much for you. Sorry.

If you don’t know what your dreams are or what you want, but you know, that you want something else or something more in life, then ask yourself: “What do I love doing? What makes me happy? What makes me smile and energized? Write it down. Look at it. Do it, and then do those things some more. Who knows.. You might get a flow of renewed energy that’ll make you dream again.

I have many dreams and many things I’d like to do. . But I get scared all the time. Scared of love, of commitment, of not being good enough, of failure, of not being loved. However I’m not gonna let my fears rule me into not pursuing what I want from life. I’m gonna rule my fears and live a life on the edge, knowing that “at least I gave it a go” instead of wondering, “what would have happened if..


 

Loving smiles

Theresa Johanne

 

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How to turn your angry feminism into peace

It was really hot that day, so I was walking around in my worn out hiking boots, tiny cowboy shorts and sports bra, when he came driving up the driveway. As he stepped out of his work truck I met his gaze and smiled at him cheekily as my response to his, “G’day” was: “Are you feeling hot, do you want to get wet?“. Standing with the water-hose in my hand, I was feeling ready to play in the hot sun – especially with a good-looking stranger. Laughingly with a touch of shyness behind his stormy sea-colored eyes, he politely turned down my offer, rationalizing that it might not be too smart to mix water and electricity, seeing as he was an electrician. “Right.. Gotcha!” I said with a big grin and put down the water-hose, to finish off my gardening. He was watching me from the corner of his eyes, smiling at me whenever our eyes interlocked from a distance, which made me want to chat to him. But I had work to do and so did he, so I simply enjoyed feeling the energy of flirtation stretching in between our space of unspoken words.

Have you seen the hot electrician?” I said to my 19-year old german work mate, who just shook her head and laughed at me: “God woman.. Is that all you think about. Leave the electrician alone.” Well.. I couldn’t. It was just too exciting, and I was just feeling too playful that day. And the fact that we were living deep in the country, with no male energies to play with, made it all a little more interesting. He was standing in the room where us wwoofers were sleeping, fixing something on the wall, when I came in to grab my iPod and hula hoops. I only had to give him an inviting smile before he started chatting me up. We spoke a little about this and that, things I don’t really remember, because I was feeling a bit too warm in his presence, and caught myself fantasizing about him pinning me against the wall. However his work needed attending, and I needed to leave him alone. But oh my.. The electrician definitely sparked some electricity, which I then used as fuel to go hula hooping like a mad woman, listening to Florence and the Machine.

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I looked at the electrician, thinking he was hot, I checked out his body thinking he looked strong and fit, I flirted with his gaze wanting him to check me out, wanting him to see me as something erotic too. I saw him as a sexual object before I thought of him as a person. Is that wrong? When a woman talks openly about things like this, some people might think, “what a slut” and had I been a man saying what I just did about a woman, I’d probably be classified as a sexist, a chauvinist. Certainly not by everyone, but definitely by some.

Lately I’ve met a lot of feminism and man-hate. Especially on social networks like Facebook. I saw this one video from HuffPost Women, showing a bunch of women of all ages, quoting sentences of subtle sexism they’d received from men throughout their lives. Sentences that men just wouldn’t hear in a lifetime. And to be honest it made me feel sorry for the male species. “stop being so dramatic“, “you’d be much prettier if you smiled”, “you’re so exotic, where are you from?” were just some of the sentences some of these women had found discriminating.

Is this for real!? Yes.. we women can be very dramatic, accept it. Yes.. we’re all a little prettier when we smile, accept it. Exotic… I don’t mind looking exotic – thank you.

– If this is all it takes to make some women feel discriminated, then how do you think some women (or men) would react if I had been a man, writing what I just did, about a woman? I’m sure the electrician wouldn’t have minded if I’d said this to him: “I’m sorry but I just can’t concentrate on what you’re saying, because you’re too sexy.” But how would you feel if someone said that to you? How would some feminists feel?

Hmm.. Perhaps some would feel disrespected. Like sex objects. Like their personalities meant nothing. How would I feel? I’d take it as a compliment. Why? Because I like being sexy. Because I know that my personality means everything. Because I know that I’m worth a lot in this world. Because I respect myself.

Fuck off Theresa, are you saying that these women don’t respect themselves? That’s exactly what they do! And that’s why they wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to like a piece of candy.

No.. It’s not what I’m saying. I’m merely pointing out that when you’re happy about yourself and who you are, very little in this world will knock you down, make you angry and push your buttons. Instead of pointing our sticky fingers at other people, be it men, women, religious believers, non-believers, smokers, homosexuals or whatever, we should point that dirty finger at ourselves and look inside. “Why am I getting so upset?” “Why do I feel offended by his/her remark?” “Where does the pain come from?”

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Someone once said I was easy, and I felt hurt. Someone once grabbed my ass, and I felt disgusted. Someone once laughed at me when I spoke, and I felt silly. Someone once told me I was too much, and I wanted to be less. Yes, I’ve been hurt by the stinging word and actions of men, as well as women, but they helped me look inside, where I found the reason I got upset, was because I just wanted everyone to love me. And so the quest on loving myself began.

If we want world peace, we need to find peace within ourselves. And we certainly won’t find any peace unless we start looking to our hearts and stop blaming other people for our misery!


 

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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How do we start loving ourselves and find faith in love?

When I’m sitting alone on a rainy day and everything inside me seems dark and sad, I find myself wondering and doubting whether I’ll ever find someone, who I want to settle down and have kids with. If I’ll ever be able to give my heart to someone again? If anyone will be able to handle all of me, including my bitchy kitty claws, mood swings and open mind of craziness? I’ve been a single lady for the past three years and even though I’ve had many flings and lovers, I haven’t met anyone that I could give my heart to, in that same way I did with my first and only boyfriend. However I’ve learnt a heck of a lot about myself and of all sorts of relations between man and woman, that I would never be without! And most of the time I do feel fantastic about being free and on my own, though the feeling of wanting a mate, like penguins mate, always rests firmly in the depts of my soul and sometimes reveals itself like a dagger, poking my heart.

Luckily I’m a very optimistic woman and even though I have my melancholic days where everything seems a bit empty, my positivity and light always shines through, leaving me with a smile on my face that says; “Of course it will happen Theresa. It will happen when you’re ready for it to happen.

However not all people are as optimistic as I, and therefore struggle with all the emotions that come along with “not meeting that someone” or “feeling really lonely“, leaving them with empty feelings such as depression and low self-esteem or a partner that they actually don’t want to be with. I know of people, who continuously keep digging their own graves, as they desperately try to force a connection that’s not there, just to get turned down yet again. I know of people, who settle for “someone that ‘s just OK“, because they’re shit scared of being alone. I know of people, who almost have no self-respect left, as they keep letting people step all over them, because they don’t feel like they’re worth anything anyway. I know of people, who have lost all faith and hope in finding love, and therefore choose to close themselves off to people.

So how do we help ourselves get out of that state of mind, that makes us feel miserable, lovesick, lonely and desperate? And how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet?

Well.. I think we must start off with the words faith, accept and self-love. I have faith that ‘The Everything’ will present one hell of a man before my eyes when my time comes, when I’m ready for him to come. I believe, that there’s a reason I haven’t met ‘him’ yet, just as I believe that everything that happens has a purpose. I choose to have faith and believe in life.

Faithtree_zpsc4a481e7-1_zpsd2464639If you have no faith in humanity and love you might struggle with seeing the beauty in situations or in people, which might make it harder to see the beauty within yourself. When we have little love for ourselves, it’s really hard for other people to enjoy our company for longer than a few hours. Why? Because we’ve sheltered our light and lust for life off with a dark cloud, that fogs and stains what we wear, what we eat, what we say, what we think, what we do and what we feel, filling us with a heavy and negative energy, that kinda sucks to be around.

To find faith in life we must start with expanding our philosophies and thoughts by living life to the fullest. By living life to the fullest we push ourselves into unknown waters that’ll help us grow. In order to start living life, we have to get out of our comfort zones from time to time and take a few baby steps into the wilderness of living and act like the kids we once were.

Then we must stop ourselves from having too many negative and self-derived thoughts, by changing them in our minds as they pop up. Say what?! Yes, here’s an example:

If you’re thinking:”Hmmff… I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to settle down with, and I’ll probably end up alone.. Oh no, I don’t want to end up alone. But what if no one wants me? Yes.. I don’t think anyone wants me.. What am I doing wrong?”, then you ought to change those thoughts into something like this:”I will meet someone one day, and I’ll never end up alone because I’ll be surrounded by so much love in my life. And I can’t wait to meet that someone, who wants me as much as I want him/her. It will all happen.

Yes, I know what you might be thinking now.. “Ehh.. Duuh. As if you’ll be able to just change whatever you’re thinking into something positive, when you don’t believe in it yourself. How’s that gonna change anything?

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Well.. Have you ever denied doing something (that you did) so many times, that you then started to believe that you didn’t do it? I have. The mind is a powerful tool and we can use it, with our consciousness, to the benefit of our well-being. If we make it into a mantra to change our negative thoughts into positive ones, they’ll sooner than later start effecting our feelings and energies, and it’ll become easier and easier to do. Eventually we will start to believe what we’re saying to ourselves, which brings me to the theme of: How do we start loving ourselves?

When I  bang myself on the head, because of something I did or said, I try to find accept within myself to say: “Done is done, said is said. I am only human, and far from perfect.” Because I’ve come to realise, that I cannot love myself if I don’t accept all of myself – including all my bad faces.

And sometimes when I feel like I’m all alone in the world, I wrap my arms around myself while lying in bed, and gently touch my cheek while thinking or saying out loud:”I love you Theresa, you’ve got such a nice heart. I love you so much.” And just by saying it to myself over and over, my mantra works its magic and fills me up with a warm connection to my heart again.

It might seem a bit strange to “speak” to yourself like that, but with practise it becomes less and less weird, until it feels completely normal. Louise Hay who’s a huge inspirational speaker and author (amongst other things) looks at herself in the mirror and says; I LOVE YOU. Personally I like doing it my way, however I know a lot of people, that have done or do just that, when they feel like they need a little bit of self-love.

So what has all this to do with my previous question: “how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet”?

Aha… let me tell you my theory (which isn’t really mine). When we work on loving ourselves and on finding that sparkling light from within, when we start believing in love and faith and hope and change our attitude towards the world, then everything will become much easier, and then.. When we’re really happy with where we are in our lives, that special someone might just drop down in front of us, like an angel sent from heaven. And if not.. There’s probably a reason for it.

I know all of this is easier said than done, but it’s worth digging in to. If it was easy to love one-self, humanity and life, there probably wouldn’t be hatred and war, which the world is so full of now. Let’s make a change. Let’s practise self-love and work on our positivity – it will do us real good, and who knows? It might even affect the world to the better.

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Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Do men just want sex?

I’m currently living on a sheep farm on the South Island of New Zealand, where I help out with riding their young horses. Life is pretty simple here and there’s not much interest in deep or spiritual talks, which can both be a blessing and a curse for a lover of depth such as myself. However, the other day as I was sitting in the old brown kitchen eating my meat stew (yes, there’s no way of being a vegetarian here) I tuned in and opened up for an interesting talk with the old-fashioned sheep farmer Lawrie. He said, with his deep and heavy New Zealand accent, that he felt quite sorry for women now a days, because men only seemed to want one thing. SEX. And that they would just walk up to a woman, after a few beers, and ask her; “Do you wanna fuck?” – he knew this because it had happened to a young woman he knows.

Hmm.. Yes, that’s a bit disrespectful, however at least it’s straight to the point“, I told him with a grin. I thought about it for a moment and shook my head as I said; “Strange.. That’s never happened to me. I’ve never had someone walk up to my face and ask me that.” And then I wondered.. What would I feel if it happened to me?

downloadThe farmer continued his talk about dating sites such as Tinder (that he first thought was a chip of wood) and spoke again of how young people (mostly boys) only want to have sex, and how hard it must be to find a partner. I looked at him with understanding and agreed some with him, but then said: “You know.. I sometimes feel sorry for men because they get put into a ‘thinking with the dick’ box, when all they want too, is to find a mate. Essentially it’s what we all want.” And so I told him a little story:

I was out teaching an 8th grade in sexual education, when my partner and I divided the boys and girls into two groups, and made them write down (as a group) 5 questions they wanted answered about the opposite sex. The girls thought that the boys only wanted sex, because of their often inappropriate conversations about tits and porn, and so one of their questions was: Do you just want sex, or also love? Another question for the boys was: What do you look for in a girl? When we got the reply back from the boys I couldn’t help but smile, as I read aloud to the girls: 1) “The boys have answered that they not JUST want sex, but also love. They want the whole package.” 2) “That they find it attractive when a girl has enough confidence to be who she is, without trying to be someone else.

It was amazing to witness the looks of awe on these young teenage girls, as their thoughts of the opposite sex slowly changed into something more soft. Yes… all men want love, just like us women. And you’d think that all grown up people would know that by now, but I still meet women, and men apparently, that talk shit about men only wanting one thing – to put their dicks where ever they please. And well.. It’s starting to annoy me a bit, because I meet guys all the time, that deeply and sincerely just want to find love. None of us are perfect and sometimes men think too much with their penises, however sometimes women think too much about EVERYTHING.

Some men have not treated women very nicely, I agree to that. Some men just want sex and nothing else. Some men do think they’re better than women, and actually get a kick out of patronising them in different ways, yes. And I could continue the list of things, that some men have done or do. However I’m not writing an essay here, and frankly I don’t care what some men do, because some women do or have done all those things too! Heck, I think I’ve hurt my share of guys from thinking I liked them, to then throwing them out like garbage or merely used them for physical needs. And I bet there’s at least one guy out there who holds a grudge, because I hurt his feelings – Just like you might hold a grudge, because someone hurt your feelings!

But no person is the same and thankfully we all have different personalities.  So when all comes to all, we really shouldn’t judge people and put labels on them, because we’ve heard of or experienced something that made us feel hurt, angry, irritated or sad. There’s always two sides to a story, so try to stay open enough to let the other one be there too. We are all unique and we all want love – it’s natural.

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Now, to answer my wondering: If a guy was to come up to me and say; “Do you wanna fuck? I’d probably laugh at his straight-forwardness and say;” No, but thanks for the offer“, and then walk away, still grinning, with a possible feeling of admiration, while thinking; “At least he was honest about what he wanted”. I know it sounds disrespectful, but I wouldn’t see it as a personal offence in any way, as I am very aware of my own worth. If you know of your own worth and love who you are, there are very few things that’ll push your buttons.


 

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Do you thank the Universe?

For a long time I’d been walking around with a deep thought and wish to make a decent looking hula hoop video, but every time I pulled myself together and said;”Ok. I will make it happen today..” it just didn’t feel right or I couldn’t get into the “hooping mode“, and the thought of doing it all by myself tired me a bit. I would have to find a piece of music and get the artists approval, get a decent camera and then edit the video and stuff… argh.. It seemed like too much work. However I loved daydreaming about someone else making my future video and sincerely believed that it would happen one day.

Then two weeks before I was supposed to leave Denmark with a one way ticket to New Zealand, a thoughtful man wrote me a message on Facebook, saying that he had some top professional friends that were looking for a hula hoop dancer to shoot an art experiment video of and that these guys have made music videos for Danish pop stars such as Medina. WHAT!? I nearly spat out my drink as I grinned with excitement and quickly wrote back that I’d love to it, and got in contact with the man who was gonna make this happen.

So on friday morning that same week, I rode my bike to Frederiksberg and walked into this huge studio wearing black and no make up with my hoops around my shoulder.. A man and woman looked up at me with smiles that wrote;”Ehh, who are you?”so I said, “Hi I’m Theresa, I’m here to hula hoop?.” They both started laughing a bit, as they pointed me in the direction of the team of three that were waiting for me. After some introducing we sat down in the kitchen for some breakfast, that only I ate, and while the make-up artist was taking a good stare at my face, they discussed what kind of “look” they we’re going for. I felt a relief when I heard the word “natural“, followed up by a feeling of “Oh, I wonder what my belly will look like in just a pink bodystocking.

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I sat there drinking my tea and eating my bread with jam when I asked; “so what exactly is this video for?” They both smiled like little boys and told me they’d listened to a radio programme about hula hooping and thought it’d be fun to experiment with something like that. My chest felt warm with excitement as I then asked; “So will I be able to use the video for myself?” The two men looked at me with cute faces and said: “Oh no, we’re gonna delete it afterwards.. Of course you can use it!And right at that moment I realised (again, again) just how powerful the Universe really is. As the day passed and my superstar hours were long gone, I lay in bed thanking life with all my heart.

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This is just one out of many amazing things, that have happened to me over the years. Is it just because I am lucky? Some people might think so. Is it because I have a big network of “friends”? Hmm.. Could be. However, I feel like there’s more to it than so. I’m generally a very positive woman and tend to see the light in darkness. When I daydreamed about my hula hoop video I only thought and felt good and positive things, my heart was warm and it made me smile. Could it be, that because I so dearly wanted it, the Universe gave it to me? How does that work? Well.. I don’t really know, but some people would call it The Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states that what you send out is what you receive. Do you think and feel positive, positive things will happen to you, however do you tend to think and feel in negative ways, negative things will happen to you. So according to this Universal Law, we should be able to receive our hearts desires, as long as they come from a place of love.

Now… I’m not stating that this is correct, I’m just conscious of the fact that good things often happen to me, which makes me wonder with gratitude as to why this is?

Oh well… I guess I can spend the rest of my life wondering how to find the key to unlock this secret, so I can use it to gain all the things I want, or I can merely accept the fact, that I’ll never be able to reveal the truth of this universal riddle and thereby choose to smile with gratitude and humbly say; “Thank you Universe!” whenever life gives me flowers. I bet a lot people out there have received gifts from life (small or big) that have left them with an expression of awe and amazement. In fact, I think it happens to most people, however I’m not to sure that most people are aware of it happening. And what a shame that is, because I’d certainly feel sorry if no one thanked me for the gifts I’ve given throughout my life.

It might seem silly to thank life, especially If you don’t believe in a higher power, but gratitude can move mountains and will always leave you feeling good, so do it for the benefit of yourself – and who knows? You might take a liking to it.

The more gratitude I feel, the more love I get for life. 

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Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Do you like your boobs?

I had just come out of the shower in my childhood home, when my sister knocks on the door wanting to be let in. As I’m drying myself off she looks at me and says from the toilet seat, “Wow Theresa, you’ve got really small boobs.” I start laughing in disbelief, as I’m pretty sure they’re not small, “no I don’t. What are you talking about?” I ask, as I look in the mirror. She just looks at me with a cheeky grin on her face, and nods her head; “Yep, no matter what you say, they’re definitely smaller.” “Right then, let me have a look at yours,” I say as I pull down the strap of her top and take out her left boob from her bra. “Ok.. You’ve got massive tits” I point out while cubbing her boob in my hand. We look at each other and start laughing like the little girls we once were, getting into mischiefs in that exact bathroom.

With big smiles on our faces we leave the foggy bathroom, and find our mama standing in the kitchen, “What are y’all laughing about?” she wants to know. “Theresa’s got pretty small boobs, but she doesn’t think so herself,” my sister says with a smile. I’m just standing there, shaking my head at the two women who’re now staring at my tits, when my mama reaches out to touch one of them and goes;”well… show me” I turn a bit red and start giggling, but pull down my grandma’s pink silk nightgown, that I love wearing, and reveal my two lovely boobs.

Why is your right nipple smaller than the left?” my mama wants to know, and so I tell her that it’s just because my right boob is a bit cold, which makes my nipple erect. “My nipples are always big“, my sister then points out while cupping her breasts. “Now it’s your turn, let’s see them!” my mama and I state at the same time with excitement. With a little embarrassment my sister pulls out both her melons and we all start laughing. “They look a bit more like mine,” my mama says, as she then pulls down her own nightgown to reveal her huge I’ve-had-nine-kids boobs. As the three of us are standing in the kitchen with flushed cheeks and cheeky smiles looking at each others boobs, my brother yells out from the next door room, “Aiiiiii, what is going on in there?

Yes, it’s not very common to talk about boobs in an open way, unless it has to do with something sexual or with breastfeeding. People seem to think, that boobs have to look in a certain way before they’re beautiful. They have to be round and big but not too big, and be perky and tight but still at bit soft. Shit! I think most of us have to go to the operation room straight away, if we want to reach that ideal. But what if there was no such thing as the internet? What if we couldn’t go to an operation room to get “fixed“? What if we still walked around in tribes with our breasts hanging loose? What if…

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We women often look at our breasts with criticism. We want them bigger, smaller, more tight, we want smaller nipples or maybe bigger nipples, we want them to look like those breasts we continuously see on posters, in movies and in porn, because we’ve learnt that those breasts are perfect. Sure there’s many men and women out there that love all the various shape and sizes that boobs can possess and that’s great! But that still doesn’t change the fact, that the social media only advertise boobs that look natural on 18-year old girls.

Our breasts change their size and shape along with everything else that changes form on our bodies. As we grow older so does our breasts. Yes, my boobs are smaller now than they were 2 years ago. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I lost weight on them, maybe gravity is catching up on me or maybe I shouldn’t think about it and just accept, that they’re perfect the way they are at this very moment. I love touching my breasts and often fall asleep cupping them in my hand. I love showing them off and having a man touch them. I love massaging them and giving myself the joy of feeling the sensations they create in my body. I can’t wait to breastfeed with them, knowing that they carry the holy life-force my babies will need in order to survive. Yes.. It has taken me a while to fully accept them for who they are, but I love them and as much as I nurture them with touch, they nurture me with their presence – they make me feel like a woman.

fake-boobs

You know… Your breasts have the capacity of giving you immense pleasure and bodily orgasms, but if you get them “fixed” for whatever reason, it might reduce the heavenly sensations you’ll be able to feel from getting them caressed, because the chances of surgery blocking out your nerve endings are quite high.

Your breasts have the capacity of feeding your children, making them strong and healthy, but if you don’t massage and give them love, it might make it harder for you to breastfeed, as stimulation of the breasts release hormones like oxytocin and prolactin, that affects the lactation in women that are breastfeeding.

Your breasts also have the capacity of attracting men into your life, giving them the pleasure of seeing, kissing and loving them, making you feel that you’re beautiful. But please don’t think that your breasts are in this world to pleasure only men and babies – they’re also here to pleasure and nourish yourself.

Women – let’s set ourselves free from the dark chains of the social media and of our own thoughts of what the perfect bosom looks like. Let’s touch and massage what our bodies were given, and look for the beauty they withhold. The more we choose to love our amazing gift to women, the more we will actually start loving ourselves – with or without saggy boobs.


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

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How do I forgive myself?

ForgiveHeart-Jessica_Key

I have broken a few hearts in my short lifetime and it pains me so much…
The latest guy, whose heart I broke, was the first guy in a long time, who I’d really fallen in love with. I get very infatuated with people, men as well as women, but seldom fall in love. But this time it was different and I felt myself spinning around like a teenage-girl on drugs, whose world had become one big pink sky. I literally felt like a maniac, and kept wondering if perhaps I was crazy.

I opened up my heart to this guy and in all my craziness of oxytocin endorphins, I made him jump onto the train of romantic thoughts departing for the future. Don’t get me wrong, he was a very willing passenger and dwelled as much as I, in the love we felt for each other. However, because I hadn’t felt that kind of love for years, I held on to it with all my heart and mind, even though I occasionally felt my intuition screaming at me. I fell in love with being in love.

After not seeing him for some weeks (he lived in another country), I slowly started loosing our feeling of connection, and found immense interest in another man. It confused me and put everything into perspective. What do I really want? Can I love two men at the same time? Was it really love, or just an illusion?

My body was screaming with lust and love for this other man, and so I gave in to it. I cheated on my foreign lover and reasoned it with thoughts like, “I’m too young to not live in the now.” I’ve never been much of a liar and believe in honesty, so I told him what I’d done, even though friends and family told me not to. Yes yes, I’m such a fucking saint for telling the truth, aye. He was obviously upset, angry and very hurt, and called me all sorts of things – I tried to reason with him and make him understand from my point of view. But there was nothing to understand. I cheated.

I knew I didn’t want to be with him anymore, so I wasn’t trying to get him back. But I pretended as if everything was fine, that I felt good and was happy with my decision, that it had been for the best that I cheated, that everything was meant to be, until I broke down crying for two hours in the arms of my sister.

No, it was not OK that I cheated. I disrespected a person I care about. I broke his heart, and was yet again a heart-breaker. I had been acting selfish and careless. I was to blame, me and only me. I took the burden on my shoulders and said “Yes” to everything he said I was. Yes, I have been a snake. Yes, I have been deceiving. Yes, I acted immaturely.
I could choose to live in denial of what I did, but that would only bring me further away from myself and so I knew forgiveness had to be done – I had to forgive myself. By accepting all that you’ve done and acknowledging the truth of what you did, the process of forgiving yourself is set in motion.

l still feel a little pain in my heart as I lay down to sleep at night. It’s never fun to be hurt by someone, but it’s most definitely not fun to be the one hurting that someone either. If I was to dwell on what I did, and walk around with the burden of shame on my shoulders, I wouldn’t get anywhere with my life. That’s why I know how important it is to forgive – not only yourself but also others.

 I hope he will be able to forgive me one day.

Like Mother Teresa said:       forgive1


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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I drank tea with The Keyless Poet

When I was 17 I flew to Los Angeles to visit my older sister, who lived there at the time. She’d settled herself in Venice, which meant that Venice Beach with all its colours, art and various people was only a short walk away. She had a full-time job, working from 9-16, which meant that I had to occupy myself with things to do during the day. So this one day in march, I was wearing a petite yellow jacket and probably some funky pants, when a homeless man saw me, smiled and yelled: “Well… Hello sunshine!” I colgated him back and laughed at the dramatic disbelief that printed itself on his face, when I stopped by his side, gave him my hand and happily introduced myself as Theresa. He spoke with words that only Shakespeare used and called himself “The Keyless Poet“. I smiled at him, nodded my head and pretended that I knew, what he was talking about – which I really didn’t. Just as I was preparing myself to keep on walking, he looked at me with his light green eyes, that changed from being slightly superficial to truly genuine in the flash of a moment, and asked: “Would you like to go have a cup of tea with me?” Right then I knew he wasn’t crazy, but possibly just very intelligent and so I said yes.

We sat down at one of the many cafées on the promenade, snacked on bread with humus and drank a pot of green tea, when he opened up and told me his life story with words I understood. He used to go to work wearing a suit in New York, where he lived with his wife and many kids, but he wasn’t a happy man and felt materialism strangling him, making him want to die – and so he tried, but failed. “Mother ocean saved me,” he said while pointing out to sea, which was why he’d decided to come live life on the streets in Los Angeles, where he could be near her at all times.

As we finished up drinking our tea I asked the waitress for our bill, the Poet looked straight at me and firmly said; “No, I’ve got it. Don’t you worry about anything sweetie.” I told him we could split it, and that I’d be happy to pay, but he wouldn’t hear of it, so I thanked him with a smile from my soul, as we both got up to leave. Standing on the promenade in the spring sun, he looked at me with humble eyes, and went: “Honey, can you do me a favour? Can you just hold my arm, while I follow you back down the street?” He didn’t have to ask twice, and with the biggest smile on his light brown skin, he turns into the “crazy man” from Venice again, yelling: “Yeah, this is my woman y’all, this is my woman!” Everyone that were looking at us – the homeless crazed man and the young smiling blonde girl walking arm in arm together – might have been thinking, “Oh, poor girl, she’s stuck with him now,” because that’s often how we think of homeless people – once you give them a little finger they’ll take the whole hand, and gladly the arm too.

I gave the Poet my whole arm, and in return he showed me his heart. Sometimes the people we think we’re above, can show us more sides to life than we know, therefore we should always treat each other as equals – because that’s what we are.

The Keyless Poet and I at Venice Beach, 2008.

The Keyless Poet and I at Venice Beach, 2008.

 


How did The Mother Ocean save him? I never asked, but often wonder.

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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How do you touch your lover?

The first time I touched a flaccid penis, in a non-sexual way, was probably about a year ago. I was lying in my bed and really felt like I wanted to give my lover some intimate affection, so I said to him: “I want to massage your penis, and the only thing you have to do is relax and feel my touch. There’s no goal, I’m not gonna try to make you cum’, I just want to give you some love.” I slowly started caressing and massaging his penis. I was studying it, kissing it, making friends with it, just like it was the hand of my lover, that I had held so much. At one point I stopped, smiled and cuddled up next to him. He looked at me with such tender love, and spoke of how vulnerable and special he had felt during the massage, because no one had ever touched his penis, without an expectation of it leading into something sexual, before.

It’s not often that our genitals are  touched by another person in a non-sexual way, and when they are it’s often by a doctor of some sorts. About 2-3 years ago I wouldn’t even have thought of massaging someones flaccid penis, without the purpose of giving him sexual pleasure or wanting it myself. Back then the penis was merely a symbol and tool for sexual activities and not a vulnerable organ. It’s not a common thing, to talk about the floppy penis and many men feel a bit conscious about showing it off and even more conscious about the woman caressing it, because; “Aww.. Is she expecting me to get hard? What if I can’t?” – I think some men feel a certain pressure of having to perform, and for this reason we need to step up our game as women, lovers, girlfriends and wives and give the floppy penis and our man a little more attention.  Not because we want to have sex or make him cum, but because we want to give him some deep womanly affection, that will create a stronger bond between us.  We would love it, if they did it to us, right? I know I would.

I’d like you to befriend my vagina“, I told an amazing man the other day. He smiled at me with a shy grin on his face, and I went; “No, I mean, I really want you to look, touch and just play with her. Get to know her. It doesn’t have to be sexual” Because both of us knew, that there was no other goal to the affection, than to be present and discover new parts of each other, it made everything much more enjoyable. He didn’t feel any pressure of having to make me orgasm, and I felt no pressure to reach one. Our open way of communicating took away all thoughts, which allowed me to be completely present in my body. The scene turned sexual, I felt myself letting go and actually ended up getting a new sort of orgasm – from gentle stimulation of the vaginal entrance/opening – because I was so in tune, with what my body was telling me.

I would probably not have experienced a new orgasm, or felt my heart and body open to this man, had we not communicated openly. I love speaking freely about my needs, desires and feelings, because it frees me from the chains in my mind. I think we all have a tendency, to get stuck in our own thoughts during sexual activities sometimes,  but a simple sentence as, “I don’t expect anything of you, I just want to feel you.” Or, “let’s loose all goals, I don’t need to ejaculate or orgasm.“can make everything so much more enjoyable, because it takes out the worry of not being able to perform.

I feel like it’s worth thinking about, how we touch our lovers. Do we always have an agenda with our touching? Do we want to make them cum, because it will glorify our own ego? Are we present when we touch, or are we stuck in our mind?

Our genitals are sensitive, vulnerable and delicate –  therefore we need to give them some extra special affection, that has nothing at all to do with our own egos need to satisfy the other. So let’s practise giving without receiving and receiving without giving – I know I will.


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

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Do you believe?

I’m a believer. Do I believe in everything? Do I believe in nothing? I believe that I believe in both. I believe that I know so much and pretend to have many answers evolving the truth of our existence. But I also believe that I know nothing, because who am I, to speak of the truth, when really.. How do I know what our purpose in this life is? How do I know what’s right for you to do? How do I know any truths in the world of humanity and spirituality? Well… I don’t. And really, you don’t know anything either. Sorry. But it’s true. I thought I KNEW the truth. Love. It’s all about love. I’ve always said it, and I still believe it – I still believe it’s the truth for me, because it feels right when I say it, feel it and see it.

I felt and thought I’d found the path to Eden, which was through living with an open heart, being true to my deepest self and communicating openly about my needs and desires. Surely this had to be the right way for EVERYONE to live, right!? I would look at and interpret my family and friends and their ways of living, measure it to my beliefs and come to the conclusion, that most of them needed to attend therapy or at least to start looking inwards. I felt a bit above them, I pitied them and felt a sorrow mixed with frustration for everyone who were living in fear. Yes, were people closed off, cold, afraid of eye-contact or physical connection, then my judgmental self would erupt from the bottom of my stomach and put them in a blue box with the label: boring and scared non-believers. I would get annoyed with their ability to hide their hearts and their constant small talks about absolutely everything and nothing. Often I wouldn’t even bother listening and my OPEN heart was completely closed off to these people, who obviously had so much to learn about life.

Ha, how ironic, don’t you think? My evolutionary thoughts about the power of the heart and of love, planted a seed in my brain, that made me want to become a love-warrior, a fighter for love and for openness all around. In other words, I wanted to tell and share my truth, wisdom and experiences with people in order to make them understand and open their eyes. Ahh.. and some people would listen, and indeed many people did find it inspiring and interesting – yes, see that gave me a feeling of being important and I like feeling important. However, not everyone would listen with an open mind, and not everyone cares about philosophy, self-development, spirituality and theories about our existence, some people care more about politics, culture, fashion, sport, traveling, music and everything in between. Most people that didn’t have any interest in spirituality or personal growth, I would slowly and yet quickly label as “living in their mind” people. I saw myself as an open minded young woman with a big heart, yet my open heart was not there for people who didn’t understand and my open mind wasn’t that welcoming for things I thought indifferent, because my intention to spread love, didn’t actually come from a place in my heart.. No, it came from a place in my mind.

See, now it gets interesting.. Because I think many people believe that they’ve figured out how the world works and how people should live their lives, and for many people the answer is: LOVE. Follow your heart and you will find your path. Love is all that matters. Peace and love. Yes, love, love, love. But how in the world can we preach of love, empathy, open hearts and kindness when many of us secretly judge people who don’t believe in the power of love? Most people believe in the power of the mind, and shake their heads when I speak of the heart as our most powerful organ. I recently had a discussion about the mind vs the heart – which one was more powerful? The heart! I said, and tried to convince this guy to agree with me. He wouldn’t, which pissed me off a bit, because I like being right. He spoke for the power of the mind and neither of us would put down our sword. We were warriors, opposites, philosophical and very arrogant. I was attracted to him, very much, but because he didn’t share my beliefs, I quickly made an emotional distance, and felt myself labeling him to that blue box. Instead of surrendering into the feeling of love I felt for him, I found myself judging him from my mind.

I call myself a believer of the heart and of love. So why do I judge people that speak from their mind? Who am I, to preach about, how anyone should live their life? Love is empathy, respect, humbleness, kindness. By respecting people for who they are, by looking at them with an open mind you’ll be sure to see or feel that unique light that’s inside everyone. I love my heart, but I also love my mind. Like everything else, we need the balance to even us out, to give us that feeling of peace. My mind and heart are companions, friends and lovers. They’re not in a battle, but cooperate with each other about the rights and wrongs in my life. I don’t believe in war, so I surrender, I’m putting down my sword and with it the title “Love-warrior”. Why? Because I cannot be a true speaker of love unless I do so.
But then again.. What do I know?


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

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