Is physical pain caused by our emotions?

I’d like to think that we physically hurt ourselves for a reason. That it’s a message from the universe letting us know that something inside us is out of balance. That we’re suppressing something, that we’re not following our hearts, that we made the wrong decision, that we’ve been too ego-focused. But when I sprained my ankle badly while hula hooping about 9 months ago, I didn’t think that it meant anything. Because.. Come on? It’s normal to have accidents, it happens all the time. I just had a little too much energy performing this one trick that snapped at my foot. It was just bad luck.

But.. Then it happened again. To the same foot. I was so furious at myself for not being careful, for being reckless and oblivious to being hurt again. My physio shook his head at me and told me to lay off hula hooping for a while, especially on the beach. “I really don’t want to get any permanent damages, so now I’m gonna be careful“, I thought to myself with a determined facial expression. But walking around with a huge backpack, up and down the hills of Queenstown NZ looking for a place to sleep, didn’t exactly help my vulnerable foot.

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“For me it all made sense. I felt layer after layer dissolve from my skin, leaving me more and more vulnerable. I felt tears swell up behind my eyes as I listened to his words with my heart. The same heart that was starting to expand inside me, the same heart that had made me hurt.”

A healing story

Then.. on a sunny yet windy thursday afternoon my friend and I were sitting in the grass overlooking a great lake, when a tall man with beautiful blue eyes and a gentle hungarian hunting dog by his side, sat down and joined our company. “I’m a spiritual healer. I work with many different forms of healing” I heard him say to my friend just as I took a big bite off my bree, tomato and rye sandwich. Woops, that caught my attention! “Oh really. Wow. Well my friend Theresa here has a bad ankle, maybe you can heal it?” my friend quickly said to him with a smile of sincerity. He looked at me as I then blurted out, “what does it mean? Do you know what it means when you hurt your ankle?” He smiled and nodded his head, before continuing his story about his journey into the healing arts.
I haven’t forgotten about your ankle” he said and looked at me with his piercing blue eyes, even though I’d said nothing. “No, no.. It’s fine,” I said with a surprising smile, as if he just caught me stealing one of Santa’s cookies. And then all of a sudden he started talking to my heart about how I felt torn between two worlds. He mentioned my father, he mentioned love, he mentioned relationships. For me it all made sense. I felt layer after layer dissolve from my skin, leaving me more and more vulnerable. I felt tears swell up behind my eyes as I listened to his words with my heart. The same heart that was starting to expand inside me, the same heart that had made me hurt. “How do you feel?” he asked me when his “impulsive healing session in the park” was over. “Hmm… I feel… I feel light,” I then responded as I felt my body react with giggles and invisible tears of warmth, love, and consciousness.

Your ankle will start healing itself now.” He told me as I leaned in to give him a soul hug of gratitude. And indeed it did.
I was ready to hear what he told me, because I had known the truth behind his words all along. I was open to listening with my heart. I was ready to heal myself and thereby my ankle. My ankle got sprained because of the emotional situation I was in. I believe that. I really do. But what do you believe?

bulla Bula bullshit?

Many people would read this, laugh and shake their heads, “You silly hippie woman, that just sounds plain dum“. Well.. I guess we’ll never discover the capability of our heart, body and soul if we go around thinking like that. Which is why you can only heal yourself physically and emotionally if you believe and trust in yourself, in your soul, in the universe, in god, in love.
Everything is connected, our organs, muscles, blood, intestines, bones, brain, heart, feelings, sensations, thoughts, actions, movements.. So why does it sound impossible for some people, to even think that there might be an emotional reason for some of the sicknesses or injuries that we get? I know it’s super hard to find a meaning behind some of the things that happen to us or our loved ones. I know it may sound really “out there” to think that our emotions dealt or un-dealt with can cause physical pain in any form. And I wish I knew more about which parts of the body deals with what emotions, but I don’t… Yet….

No one can scientifically prove the above (as far as I know). It sounds like magic, it sounds like hulla-bulla-bo. And the next time I hurt myself, I might not think, feel or believe that there’s a reason for it. So I’ll start thinking about going to my doctor, I’ll take the medicine and advice she gives me, because she knows how to “fix” me, and I trust in qualification. But I’ll forget to trust in myself, in my body, in my soul. I’ll forget to trust in the amazing power our bodies withhold, the power of healing. Why? Because I’m too lazy, too scared, too caught up in the “western way” – which is amazing, don’t get me wrong. However.. Wouldn’t it be even more amazing to join the western way of the mind together with the alternative healing arts of the heart in a bond of explosive conscious healing? I reckon.

Alternative and conscious healing in any form is highly underrated. Sure there might be many “flukes” out there that don’t really have a clue about what they’re doing. But I actually think it comes down to every single individual to really BELIEVE and open their hearts to understanding and letting go, because the ability to heal oneself is already there.

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And guess what.. When I woke up the next day after my “healing-in-the-park-session” I could stretch my foot out like I hadn’t been able to for weeks.


Loving smiles, Theresa Johanne

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How do we face our fears and pursue our dreams?

The pub was stocked with the same local crew of alcohol-loving customers, from when I used to work there 4 or 5 years ago, which kinda took be by surprise, but not really. Walking around with my two hoops and salty sunburnt skin, I spotted a regular ‘schooner of carlton’ drinking man, that met my eyes with warmth and surprise. “Well hello! How on earth have you been? I haven’t seen you in ages. Are you good?” he genuinely asked after giving me a big hug. I sat down next to him and quickly skimmed the highlights of my past few years.. Hula Hooping, sexology, personal development, love, horses, New Zealand and bla bla bla.. I wasn’t really in the mood of talking about myself, so I turned the conversation around and started asking about him..

As we started chatting he opened up more and more, and told me about his dream to become an actor, which he recently started pursuing. He told me how his family thought he was doomed for, how they kept pushing him to settle down, have kids, get married, to become a responsible adult. I listened while thinking: “Well.. you do spend most of your time in a pub. If I was your family, I’d probably think those same things too.” But who am I to judge someone? So instead I tried tuning in on being present and listened openly to his words, and was actually surprised to discover how much he inspired me.

I feel so happy and completely in my element when I’m on stage.” He told me as his eyes lit up like a christmas tree. “I know that it might not work out, but I’ve thought about attending acting school,” the 46-year old man then said. I felt amazed and as I finished off my corona to go busking, I looked at him and said;”Thank you so much for sharing your story. It has inspired me.” Because it takes guts to say, fuck it all.. This is my dream and I’m gonna pursue it. It takes guts to face your fears of “What if I’m not good enough, what if I lose everything, what if..” It takes guts to leave ones security zone and wander off into unknown waters. Which is why soooo many people end up living a life they might not love or be excited about, because “I couldn’t possibly do what I really want?” Well.. Why not? If a 46-year old (possibly alcoholic) man is giving it a go, then surely you and I can?

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But how do we do it? – I’d like you to find a pen and paper and answer my questions.

1. What do you want in life? Ask yourself, “What are my dreams“?
2. Ok.. How can you make those or that dream come true?
3. Then.. Why are you not making it happen? What is holding you back?
4. Commitments.. Ahh I see. What kind of commitments? Children? Ah yes. They’d get first priority. Can you make it happen anyway? Mortgage? Hmm.. No children? Then what’s holding you back?
5. Fear. Are you afraid of the unknown? Of disappointing? Of failure? Of being laughed at? Are you afraid of money problems? Of not being good enough? Why have you never pursued your dream? What were/are you afraid of?
6. Now ask yourself, “Why am I afraid of that?

One of my biggest fears is not being good enough. I’m a certified sexologist and is capable of giving therapy, however I haven’t given that much therapy. Why? Because deep down I’m scared of not being good enough to help. I’m a semi-professional hula hooper, though I’m often scared of busking for money. Why? Because I’m scared that no one will think I’m good enough for their coin. I was scared to start writing articles, because what if no one wanted to read them? What if people thought I was too much, too little or just real shit at writing?

But I summed up my courage and did it anyway. First off I asked myself: “Why is it so important to me to feel acknowledged by other people? Why aren’t I good enough the way I am? If other people can do it, then why can’t I?

7. Positive thinking. Write this down: “I am amazing in what I do and what I can. I am good enough. I have the power to do whatever I want. I am love and I love myself just the way I am.
8. Look at your list and take it in. Breathe. Read number 7 again and speak the words out loud to yourself.
9. Do you feel more inspired to take a baby step into the meeting of “I’m facing my fears and pursuing my dreams”?
10. If yes.. “High five, and good luck“.. If no.. “Well.. I guess my little list didn’t do much for you. Sorry.

If you don’t know what your dreams are or what you want, but you know, that you want something else or something more in life, then ask yourself: “What do I love doing? What makes me happy? What makes me smile and energized? Write it down. Look at it. Do it, and then do those things some more. Who knows.. You might get a flow of renewed energy that’ll make you dream again.

I have many dreams and many things I’d like to do. . But I get scared all the time. Scared of love, of commitment, of not being good enough, of failure, of not being loved. However I’m not gonna let my fears rule me into not pursuing what I want from life. I’m gonna rule my fears and live a life on the edge, knowing that “at least I gave it a go” instead of wondering, “what would have happened if..


 

Loving smiles

Theresa Johanne

 

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How to turn your angry feminism into peace

It was really hot that day, so I was walking around in my worn out hiking boots, tiny cowboy shorts and sports bra, when he came driving up the driveway. As he stepped out of his work truck I met his gaze and smiled at him cheekily as my response to his, “G’day” was: “Are you feeling hot, do you want to get wet?“. Standing with the water-hose in my hand, I was feeling ready to play in the hot sun – especially with a good-looking stranger. Laughingly with a touch of shyness behind his stormy sea-colored eyes, he politely turned down my offer, rationalizing that it might not be too smart to mix water and electricity, seeing as he was an electrician. “Right.. Gotcha!” I said with a big grin and put down the water-hose, to finish off my gardening. He was watching me from the corner of his eyes, smiling at me whenever our eyes interlocked from a distance, which made me want to chat to him. But I had work to do and so did he, so I simply enjoyed feeling the energy of flirtation stretching in between our space of unspoken words.

Have you seen the hot electrician?” I said to my 19-year old german work mate, who just shook her head and laughed at me: “God woman.. Is that all you think about. Leave the electrician alone.” Well.. I couldn’t. It was just too exciting, and I was just feeling too playful that day. And the fact that we were living deep in the country, with no male energies to play with, made it all a little more interesting. He was standing in the room where us wwoofers were sleeping, fixing something on the wall, when I came in to grab my iPod and hula hoops. I only had to give him an inviting smile before he started chatting me up. We spoke a little about this and that, things I don’t really remember, because I was feeling a bit too warm in his presence, and caught myself fantasizing about him pinning me against the wall. However his work needed attending, and I needed to leave him alone. But oh my.. The electrician definitely sparked some electricity, which I then used as fuel to go hula hooping like a mad woman, listening to Florence and the Machine.

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I looked at the electrician, thinking he was hot, I checked out his body thinking he looked strong and fit, I flirted with his gaze wanting him to check me out, wanting him to see me as something erotic too. I saw him as a sexual object before I thought of him as a person. Is that wrong? When a woman talks openly about things like this, some people might think, “what a slut” and had I been a man saying what I just did about a woman, I’d probably be classified as a sexist, a chauvinist. Certainly not by everyone, but definitely by some.

Lately I’ve met a lot of feminism and man-hate. Especially on social networks like Facebook. I saw this one video from HuffPost Women, showing a bunch of women of all ages, quoting sentences of subtle sexism they’d received from men throughout their lives. Sentences that men just wouldn’t hear in a lifetime. And to be honest it made me feel sorry for the male species. “stop being so dramatic“, “you’d be much prettier if you smiled”, “you’re so exotic, where are you from?” were just some of the sentences some of these women had found discriminating.

Is this for real!? Yes.. we women can be very dramatic, accept it. Yes.. we’re all a little prettier when we smile, accept it. Exotic… I don’t mind looking exotic – thank you.

– If this is all it takes to make some women feel discriminated, then how do you think some women (or men) would react if I had been a man, writing what I just did, about a woman? I’m sure the electrician wouldn’t have minded if I’d said this to him: “I’m sorry but I just can’t concentrate on what you’re saying, because you’re too sexy.” But how would you feel if someone said that to you? How would some feminists feel?

Hmm.. Perhaps some would feel disrespected. Like sex objects. Like their personalities meant nothing. How would I feel? I’d take it as a compliment. Why? Because I like being sexy. Because I know that my personality means everything. Because I know that I’m worth a lot in this world. Because I respect myself.

Fuck off Theresa, are you saying that these women don’t respect themselves? That’s exactly what they do! And that’s why they wouldn’t tolerate being spoken to like a piece of candy.

No.. It’s not what I’m saying. I’m merely pointing out that when you’re happy about yourself and who you are, very little in this world will knock you down, make you angry and push your buttons. Instead of pointing our sticky fingers at other people, be it men, women, religious believers, non-believers, smokers, homosexuals or whatever, we should point that dirty finger at ourselves and look inside. “Why am I getting so upset?” “Why do I feel offended by his/her remark?” “Where does the pain come from?”

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Someone once said I was easy, and I felt hurt. Someone once grabbed my ass, and I felt disgusted. Someone once laughed at me when I spoke, and I felt silly. Someone once told me I was too much, and I wanted to be less. Yes, I’ve been hurt by the stinging word and actions of men, as well as women, but they helped me look inside, where I found the reason I got upset, was because I just wanted everyone to love me. And so the quest on loving myself began.

If we want world peace, we need to find peace within ourselves. And we certainly won’t find any peace unless we start looking to our hearts and stop blaming other people for our misery!


 

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Am I addicted to the rush of sexual energy?

I’ve been living in solitude on a farm for the last month, and haven’t really seen nor spoken to any men (that haven’t been above 50) for that same amount of time, which has actually been very relaxing and peaceful. However it wasn’t till four young blokes came to help with some sheep work yesterday, that I realised how much I’d missed feeling that buzzing, exciting and “getting red cheeks” feeling, that I often get when I find myself surrounded by young and attractive men.

I was supposed to help them tail docking some little lambs, though luckily they didn’t need my help (seeing as I’m not the roughest and toughest of women when it comes to animals), and so I simply just stood there patting the sheep dog Caine, while watching them do their thing. Blood came dripping down onto their big and hairy arms and hands as they tagged holes in the ears of the lambs, while chatting about football and sex. I felt myself feeling both a little repulsed and yet very attracted to the roughness of their “cave-men” behavior, and couldn’t really take my eyes off their big “I play a lot of rugby” looking bodies working fast and confidently.

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Every time I’d lock eyes with this one guy in particular, who had these deep brown eyes, I felt myself turn pink, and had to catch my breath as to not start giggling like a little school girl. Feeling all feminine and fairy-ish I walked around in my dirty riding clothes smelling the leaves of the pine tree and plucking daisies off the grass, while the calls of a hundred sheep filled the air. I’d sometimes walk back to see if I could be of any help, which I mostly couldn’t, and then walk away again with a cheeky thought of wanting to be seduced by the young man with the bloodiest arms.

I started smiling to myself, as I fully enjoyed the energy that was flowing through my body, making me feel alive and vibrant in the spring sun, while my mind started filling itself with romantic and sexual thoughts. I was sitting on the back of the truck, when they all came over to wash their hands and arms with the antiseptic stuff that was standing next to me, and by watching the “bloodiest arm guy” trying to wash himself clean, I found myself wanting to reach over and touch his filthy arm… But I didn’t, because that would’ve been bit weird I reckon, and I’m not THAT impulsive!

Anyway.. They all said their goodbyes except for one, who asked me if I wanted to keep him company while slaughtering some sheep for dogfood. “Hah. Naaa, I don’t think so. I reckon’ I’m gonna go for a ride“, I politely told him with my new-found kiwi accent.

That same night I spoke to my mother on the telephone and told her all about my day, and of the looks and sizes of these South Island country boys. She laughed with me, and I could tell she was smiling as she said, “It must’ve felt so good to feel a bit feminine and womanly, surrounded by all those men.” And oh yes, it sure did! I love feeling like a woman. I love feeling all feminine and slippery and nymph-ish. It makes me feel alive and beautiful. It makes me feel sexual.

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Feeling feminine. Like a woman.

So to get back to this bloody arm scenario..  Is it just me, or is it in every womans nature to get turned on and attracted by the “cave-man” attitude??

I’ve never thought blood was sexy until yesterday. Well.. it’s not really sexy, but I guess it looked hot, because I subconsciously associated it with something rough. Or maybe I just dig blood, ha ha. Whatever the cause, it made me think.. What is it about warriors, fighting and strenght that I like? Why do these really masculine men attract me so much? What is it about big men, with big noses and big arms that gets me excited?

First off I think it’s a natural instinct that lies within me and probably a lot of other women too. An instinct that says; Here’s a big man who can protect me. Here’s a man that’ll be able to provide for me. Here’s a man that’s strong. Here’s a man that’ll give me healthy babies.. Ergo – here’s someone I could surrender to. Secondly I just feel very feminine in the company of a masculine man, which makes me feel beautiful and elegant, and very much like a cat in heat.

images (3) It was truly a nice experience to feel like a floating mermaid with big seductive puppy eyes and a wild mane of hair, wanting nothing more than to be looked at by the dangerous, yet amazingly appealing hunter. It made me realise how much I love feeling like a feminine woman and of how much I love flirting – just to get that rush of sexual energy.

 

As I lay in bed last night several thoughts popped into my mind.

1. I really like blokey blokes sometimes.
2. I love embracing my femininity and feeling like a woman.
3. Am I addicted to the rush of sexual energy?

My sexual energy can be very strong sometimes, and I freaking love feeling it overwhelm me with its presence, as it makes me feel high. I don’t have to act on it, and actually enjoy not acting on is, as it stays within me for a longer time, filling me with happiness and bubbles. So I’m definitely not a sex-addict. But I sometimes find myself creating a sexual energy with someone, just to get my fix, and then when I don’t feel the energy anymore I happily move on, leaving whoever I felt the connection with, with a feeling of “I thought we just shared something special.” So yes, I think I am a sexual energy addict. And then I wonder.. Is that a bad thing to be addicted to?

I guess it’s better than nicotine.


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

 

 

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How do we start loving ourselves and find faith in love?

When I’m sitting alone on a rainy day and everything inside me seems dark and sad, I find myself wondering and doubting whether I’ll ever find someone, who I want to settle down and have kids with. If I’ll ever be able to give my heart to someone again? If anyone will be able to handle all of me, including my bitchy kitty claws, mood swings and open mind of craziness? I’ve been a single lady for the past three years and even though I’ve had many flings and lovers, I haven’t met anyone that I could give my heart to, in that same way I did with my first and only boyfriend. However I’ve learnt a heck of a lot about myself and of all sorts of relations between man and woman, that I would never be without! And most of the time I do feel fantastic about being free and on my own, though the feeling of wanting a mate, like penguins mate, always rests firmly in the depts of my soul and sometimes reveals itself like a dagger, poking my heart.

Luckily I’m a very optimistic woman and even though I have my melancholic days where everything seems a bit empty, my positivity and light always shines through, leaving me with a smile on my face that says; “Of course it will happen Theresa. It will happen when you’re ready for it to happen.

However not all people are as optimistic as I, and therefore struggle with all the emotions that come along with “not meeting that someone” or “feeling really lonely“, leaving them with empty feelings such as depression and low self-esteem or a partner that they actually don’t want to be with. I know of people, who continuously keep digging their own graves, as they desperately try to force a connection that’s not there, just to get turned down yet again. I know of people, who settle for “someone that ‘s just OK“, because they’re shit scared of being alone. I know of people, who almost have no self-respect left, as they keep letting people step all over them, because they don’t feel like they’re worth anything anyway. I know of people, who have lost all faith and hope in finding love, and therefore choose to close themselves off to people.

So how do we help ourselves get out of that state of mind, that makes us feel miserable, lovesick, lonely and desperate? And how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet?

Well.. I think we must start off with the words faith, accept and self-love. I have faith that ‘The Everything’ will present one hell of a man before my eyes when my time comes, when I’m ready for him to come. I believe, that there’s a reason I haven’t met ‘him’ yet, just as I believe that everything that happens has a purpose. I choose to have faith and believe in life.

Faithtree_zpsc4a481e7-1_zpsd2464639If you have no faith in humanity and love you might struggle with seeing the beauty in situations or in people, which might make it harder to see the beauty within yourself. When we have little love for ourselves, it’s really hard for other people to enjoy our company for longer than a few hours. Why? Because we’ve sheltered our light and lust for life off with a dark cloud, that fogs and stains what we wear, what we eat, what we say, what we think, what we do and what we feel, filling us with a heavy and negative energy, that kinda sucks to be around.

To find faith in life we must start with expanding our philosophies and thoughts by living life to the fullest. By living life to the fullest we push ourselves into unknown waters that’ll help us grow. In order to start living life, we have to get out of our comfort zones from time to time and take a few baby steps into the wilderness of living and act like the kids we once were.

Then we must stop ourselves from having too many negative and self-derived thoughts, by changing them in our minds as they pop up. Say what?! Yes, here’s an example:

If you’re thinking:”Hmmff… I don’t think I’ll ever find someone to settle down with, and I’ll probably end up alone.. Oh no, I don’t want to end up alone. But what if no one wants me? Yes.. I don’t think anyone wants me.. What am I doing wrong?”, then you ought to change those thoughts into something like this:”I will meet someone one day, and I’ll never end up alone because I’ll be surrounded by so much love in my life. And I can’t wait to meet that someone, who wants me as much as I want him/her. It will all happen.

Yes, I know what you might be thinking now.. “Ehh.. Duuh. As if you’ll be able to just change whatever you’re thinking into something positive, when you don’t believe in it yourself. How’s that gonna change anything?

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Well.. Have you ever denied doing something (that you did) so many times, that you then started to believe that you didn’t do it? I have. The mind is a powerful tool and we can use it, with our consciousness, to the benefit of our well-being. If we make it into a mantra to change our negative thoughts into positive ones, they’ll sooner than later start effecting our feelings and energies, and it’ll become easier and easier to do. Eventually we will start to believe what we’re saying to ourselves, which brings me to the theme of: How do we start loving ourselves?

When I  bang myself on the head, because of something I did or said, I try to find accept within myself to say: “Done is done, said is said. I am only human, and far from perfect.” Because I’ve come to realise, that I cannot love myself if I don’t accept all of myself – including all my bad faces.

And sometimes when I feel like I’m all alone in the world, I wrap my arms around myself while lying in bed, and gently touch my cheek while thinking or saying out loud:”I love you Theresa, you’ve got such a nice heart. I love you so much.” And just by saying it to myself over and over, my mantra works its magic and fills me up with a warm connection to my heart again.

It might seem a bit strange to “speak” to yourself like that, but with practise it becomes less and less weird, until it feels completely normal. Louise Hay who’s a huge inspirational speaker and author (amongst other things) looks at herself in the mirror and says; I LOVE YOU. Personally I like doing it my way, however I know a lot of people, that have done or do just that, when they feel like they need a little bit of self-love.

So what has all this to do with my previous question: “how do we meet that ‘someone’, we dearly want to meet”?

Aha… let me tell you my theory (which isn’t really mine). When we work on loving ourselves and on finding that sparkling light from within, when we start believing in love and faith and hope and change our attitude towards the world, then everything will become much easier, and then.. When we’re really happy with where we are in our lives, that special someone might just drop down in front of us, like an angel sent from heaven. And if not.. There’s probably a reason for it.

I know all of this is easier said than done, but it’s worth digging in to. If it was easy to love one-self, humanity and life, there probably wouldn’t be hatred and war, which the world is so full of now. Let’s make a change. Let’s practise self-love and work on our positivity – it will do us real good, and who knows? It might even affect the world to the better.

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Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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And then I got a Yoni massage

The first time I encountered the word Yoni-massage was on the Island of Koh Phangang in Thailand, where I was going to do yoga for a month. I’d just left my boyfriend through four years, and was feeling vulnerable yet free, as I arrived at the yoga place with a gentle smile on my lips. I saw some women sitting beneath a palm tree and quickly tuned in on their conversation about orgasms, love, open relationships, chakras and Yoni-massages. “What’s a Yoni-massage?” I then asked with great wonder, having never heard of the word ‘Yoni’ before. I was quickly told, by an american woman with amazing green eyes, that a Yoni is a vagina, and that you could sign yourself up on a piece of paper and pay a professional to massage you. What!? I started laughing, but it was clearly not a joke and so I shut up, gave them a cheeky grin and said, “well, I’m not gonna pay anyone to massage my vagina, as I’ll find someone that’ll do it for free.

I remember thinking a lot about these pussy-massages, as I called them, and was really curious as to what they felt like. Then one day I heard some gossip about the “Indian Guru” Mukdananda giving out Yoni-massages for free, if only you’d go ask him personally. It didn’t take me long to sum up the courage to approach him with all my questions on the matter. What happens during the massage? What does it do me? Is it sexual? Why do you do it? He looked at me with tender brown eyes and told me, that the reason for the massage is not to give the woman an orgasm, but to awaken her own awareness of the depths of her sexuality. Furthermore he told me; “women tend to store many suppressed emotions inside the vagina, which can then be released through the massage. Therefore some women often end up feeling vulnerable and teary during or after the session.”

All of this was turning out to be very interesting, so I asked him if he’d give me one – which he’d love to. Uhhh.. I was really excited and pretty nervous when he, a couple of days later, came on his little scooter, picked me up and drove me to his comfy bungalow. He was a really nice man, and had I felt the slightest bit uncomfortable with him, I’d never gone with him. Anyway… He told me how the session was going to unfold, and that he for the first hour would massage my whole body from top to toe, without touching my private parts, as it was really important, that my body was open and relaxed before starting the massage itself. After that he would slowly start touching me more intimately and gradually increase the speed of his movements, which might give me a feeling of having to urinate, and if that was the case, I was to take deep breaths, release and let go.

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Right, I should be able to do this“, I thought to myself as I then took off all my clothes and lay down on a bed, that was covered with multiple white sheets and a towel. He smiled at me reassuringly, while he found three different bottles of scented oils and started massaging my feet. “Should I close my eyes?” I gently asked him. “You just do whatever makes you feel comfortable, but most women close their eyes, yes.” I felt completely relaxed as I lay there feeling my whole body being touched with awareness and skill, and slowly, as his hands moved closer to my vagina, I started breathing with anticipation and remember thinking; “I hope he touches my clitoris” – but he didn’t. He touched my vagina as it had never been touched before. It felt like he was exploring a cave, where he had to press, push and stimulate ever single part of it on his way into its depths.

Sometimes my thoughts took over the sensations that were flowing in my body, and when they did I’d try to focus on my breathing. I knew that nothing was expected of me. I wasn’t supposed to orgasm. I wasn’t supposed to do anything but merely surrender and feel. Knowing that I was  a”client” made it a lot easier for me, to let go of my thoughts and come back to being present.

As he increased the power of his movements, I felt a little burning pain in my vagina and remember thinking, that it didn’t feel so nice. However after a little while the pain subsided, and then the only thing I could feel was, that I had to pee. Wow, I really had to pee. But I remembered what he’d said to me earlier, and even though it was hard, I let go and thought to myself;”Theresa, then pee. Just let go and do it.” And so I did.. What happened next was crazy..

All sensation from my vagina seemed to disappear, as the only thing I felt, was the blood streaming through every part of my body. My breathing sped up and my head seemed to fill up with black fog, as my jaw got stuck with tension. I wasn’t aware of where I was being touched anymore, as my body just seemed to be flowing with pounding streams of energy, that then made my lower arms and hands feel stuck to my body like a connecting piece of wire. My throat was burning, my back arched and my head shoot back as I inhaled and exhaled with great force.

Ok, I think your Yoni has had enough“, Mukdananda then said to me, and with my jaw still feeling stuck I murmored; “Yes, I think so too..” He smiled at me, while I was lying there looking like a T-Rex dinosaur, and grinningly said; “It’s ok, you can move your body“. But see.. I really didn’t feel like I could, and so I lay there for a couple of moments more, still panting, as I realized that the whole bed was wet. “Did I squirt?” I asked, having no idea about what had just happened. “Woman, did you squirt?! Look at my arms, look at the bed. This isn’t from the oil, it’s all from you,” he said with a soft laugh. I felt a bit shy and giggled softly, as I then tried to get up and go to the toilet, but my legs felt like jelly, so I had to hold onto the wall.

My friend maddy and I posing the T-Rex yoni massage move.

My friend maddy and I posing the T-Rex yoni massage move.

When I sat down on the toilet, trying to pee, I felt like I’d just been shot into the Universe where I met aether, who took me for a spin before pushing me down onto earth again. Yes, it was a pretty intense experience, which felt like nothing I’d EVER felt before..

Before my meeting with the tantric yoga school I wasn’t aware of the depths of my own sexuality. I liked sex and orgasms, sure. But I’d never thought of my sexuality as something deeper, something powerful. I’d never experienced a bodily orgasm before, which was part of what’d happened to me. It wasn’t until I flew back to Denmark, that I realized what an effect the massage had made on me. Not only did it plant a seed, that made me think much more about my sexuality, it also opened up a gate from deep within, that made me more conscious about feeling my whole body instead of just focusing on my vagina.

I haven’t made a ritual of getting Yoni-massages, far from it. However I’m grateful for my experience and often think back on it with a smile. I know it might seem very taboo-breaking and frightening to let someone (that’s not your lover) touch your vagina, but personally I feel like it was a stepping stone to my own personal growth. So if you’ve been thinking about getting such a massage, or have any interest in getting a closer connection to your own sexuality, or have any physical or psychical problems with your vagina, I reccomend trying it.

I can’t tell you what you’ll experience or feel from it, however I can tell you what I felt and experienced – and so I did.


Loving Smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

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Do men just want sex?

I’m currently living on a sheep farm on the South Island of New Zealand, where I help out with riding their young horses. Life is pretty simple here and there’s not much interest in deep or spiritual talks, which can both be a blessing and a curse for a lover of depth such as myself. However, the other day as I was sitting in the old brown kitchen eating my meat stew (yes, there’s no way of being a vegetarian here) I tuned in and opened up for an interesting talk with the old-fashioned sheep farmer Lawrie. He said, with his deep and heavy New Zealand accent, that he felt quite sorry for women now a days, because men only seemed to want one thing. SEX. And that they would just walk up to a woman, after a few beers, and ask her; “Do you wanna fuck?” – he knew this because it had happened to a young woman he knows.

Hmm.. Yes, that’s a bit disrespectful, however at least it’s straight to the point“, I told him with a grin. I thought about it for a moment and shook my head as I said; “Strange.. That’s never happened to me. I’ve never had someone walk up to my face and ask me that.” And then I wondered.. What would I feel if it happened to me?

downloadThe farmer continued his talk about dating sites such as Tinder (that he first thought was a chip of wood) and spoke again of how young people (mostly boys) only want to have sex, and how hard it must be to find a partner. I looked at him with understanding and agreed some with him, but then said: “You know.. I sometimes feel sorry for men because they get put into a ‘thinking with the dick’ box, when all they want too, is to find a mate. Essentially it’s what we all want.” And so I told him a little story:

I was out teaching an 8th grade in sexual education, when my partner and I divided the boys and girls into two groups, and made them write down (as a group) 5 questions they wanted answered about the opposite sex. The girls thought that the boys only wanted sex, because of their often inappropriate conversations about tits and porn, and so one of their questions was: Do you just want sex, or also love? Another question for the boys was: What do you look for in a girl? When we got the reply back from the boys I couldn’t help but smile, as I read aloud to the girls: 1) “The boys have answered that they not JUST want sex, but also love. They want the whole package.” 2) “That they find it attractive when a girl has enough confidence to be who she is, without trying to be someone else.

It was amazing to witness the looks of awe on these young teenage girls, as their thoughts of the opposite sex slowly changed into something more soft. Yes… all men want love, just like us women. And you’d think that all grown up people would know that by now, but I still meet women, and men apparently, that talk shit about men only wanting one thing – to put their dicks where ever they please. And well.. It’s starting to annoy me a bit, because I meet guys all the time, that deeply and sincerely just want to find love. None of us are perfect and sometimes men think too much with their penises, however sometimes women think too much about EVERYTHING.

Some men have not treated women very nicely, I agree to that. Some men just want sex and nothing else. Some men do think they’re better than women, and actually get a kick out of patronising them in different ways, yes. And I could continue the list of things, that some men have done or do. However I’m not writing an essay here, and frankly I don’t care what some men do, because some women do or have done all those things too! Heck, I think I’ve hurt my share of guys from thinking I liked them, to then throwing them out like garbage or merely used them for physical needs. And I bet there’s at least one guy out there who holds a grudge, because I hurt his feelings – Just like you might hold a grudge, because someone hurt your feelings!

But no person is the same and thankfully we all have different personalities.  So when all comes to all, we really shouldn’t judge people and put labels on them, because we’ve heard of or experienced something that made us feel hurt, angry, irritated or sad. There’s always two sides to a story, so try to stay open enough to let the other one be there too. We are all unique and we all want love – it’s natural.

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Now, to answer my wondering: If a guy was to come up to me and say; “Do you wanna fuck? I’d probably laugh at his straight-forwardness and say;” No, but thanks for the offer“, and then walk away, still grinning, with a possible feeling of admiration, while thinking; “At least he was honest about what he wanted”. I know it sounds disrespectful, but I wouldn’t see it as a personal offence in any way, as I am very aware of my own worth. If you know of your own worth and love who you are, there are very few things that’ll push your buttons.


 

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Do you thank the Universe?

For a long time I’d been walking around with a deep thought and wish to make a decent looking hula hoop video, but every time I pulled myself together and said;”Ok. I will make it happen today..” it just didn’t feel right or I couldn’t get into the “hooping mode“, and the thought of doing it all by myself tired me a bit. I would have to find a piece of music and get the artists approval, get a decent camera and then edit the video and stuff… argh.. It seemed like too much work. However I loved daydreaming about someone else making my future video and sincerely believed that it would happen one day.

Then two weeks before I was supposed to leave Denmark with a one way ticket to New Zealand, a thoughtful man wrote me a message on Facebook, saying that he had some top professional friends that were looking for a hula hoop dancer to shoot an art experiment video of and that these guys have made music videos for Danish pop stars such as Medina. WHAT!? I nearly spat out my drink as I grinned with excitement and quickly wrote back that I’d love to it, and got in contact with the man who was gonna make this happen.

So on friday morning that same week, I rode my bike to Frederiksberg and walked into this huge studio wearing black and no make up with my hoops around my shoulder.. A man and woman looked up at me with smiles that wrote;”Ehh, who are you?”so I said, “Hi I’m Theresa, I’m here to hula hoop?.” They both started laughing a bit, as they pointed me in the direction of the team of three that were waiting for me. After some introducing we sat down in the kitchen for some breakfast, that only I ate, and while the make-up artist was taking a good stare at my face, they discussed what kind of “look” they we’re going for. I felt a relief when I heard the word “natural“, followed up by a feeling of “Oh, I wonder what my belly will look like in just a pink bodystocking.

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I sat there drinking my tea and eating my bread with jam when I asked; “so what exactly is this video for?” They both smiled like little boys and told me they’d listened to a radio programme about hula hooping and thought it’d be fun to experiment with something like that. My chest felt warm with excitement as I then asked; “So will I be able to use the video for myself?” The two men looked at me with cute faces and said: “Oh no, we’re gonna delete it afterwards.. Of course you can use it!And right at that moment I realised (again, again) just how powerful the Universe really is. As the day passed and my superstar hours were long gone, I lay in bed thanking life with all my heart.

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This is just one out of many amazing things, that have happened to me over the years. Is it just because I am lucky? Some people might think so. Is it because I have a big network of “friends”? Hmm.. Could be. However, I feel like there’s more to it than so. I’m generally a very positive woman and tend to see the light in darkness. When I daydreamed about my hula hoop video I only thought and felt good and positive things, my heart was warm and it made me smile. Could it be, that because I so dearly wanted it, the Universe gave it to me? How does that work? Well.. I don’t really know, but some people would call it The Law of Attraction.

The Law of Attraction states that what you send out is what you receive. Do you think and feel positive, positive things will happen to you, however do you tend to think and feel in negative ways, negative things will happen to you. So according to this Universal Law, we should be able to receive our hearts desires, as long as they come from a place of love.

Now… I’m not stating that this is correct, I’m just conscious of the fact that good things often happen to me, which makes me wonder with gratitude as to why this is?

Oh well… I guess I can spend the rest of my life wondering how to find the key to unlock this secret, so I can use it to gain all the things I want, or I can merely accept the fact, that I’ll never be able to reveal the truth of this universal riddle and thereby choose to smile with gratitude and humbly say; “Thank you Universe!” whenever life gives me flowers. I bet a lot people out there have received gifts from life (small or big) that have left them with an expression of awe and amazement. In fact, I think it happens to most people, however I’m not to sure that most people are aware of it happening. And what a shame that is, because I’d certainly feel sorry if no one thanked me for the gifts I’ve given throughout my life.

It might seem silly to thank life, especially If you don’t believe in a higher power, but gratitude can move mountains and will always leave you feeling good, so do it for the benefit of yourself – and who knows? You might take a liking to it.

The more gratitude I feel, the more love I get for life. 

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Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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Do you like your boobs?

I had just come out of the shower in my childhood home, when my sister knocks on the door wanting to be let in. As I’m drying myself off she looks at me and says from the toilet seat, “Wow Theresa, you’ve got really small boobs.” I start laughing in disbelief, as I’m pretty sure they’re not small, “no I don’t. What are you talking about?” I ask, as I look in the mirror. She just looks at me with a cheeky grin on her face, and nods her head; “Yep, no matter what you say, they’re definitely smaller.” “Right then, let me have a look at yours,” I say as I pull down the strap of her top and take out her left boob from her bra. “Ok.. You’ve got massive tits” I point out while cubbing her boob in my hand. We look at each other and start laughing like the little girls we once were, getting into mischiefs in that exact bathroom.

With big smiles on our faces we leave the foggy bathroom, and find our mama standing in the kitchen, “What are y’all laughing about?” she wants to know. “Theresa’s got pretty small boobs, but she doesn’t think so herself,” my sister says with a smile. I’m just standing there, shaking my head at the two women who’re now staring at my tits, when my mama reaches out to touch one of them and goes;”well… show me” I turn a bit red and start giggling, but pull down my grandma’s pink silk nightgown, that I love wearing, and reveal my two lovely boobs.

Why is your right nipple smaller than the left?” my mama wants to know, and so I tell her that it’s just because my right boob is a bit cold, which makes my nipple erect. “My nipples are always big“, my sister then points out while cupping her breasts. “Now it’s your turn, let’s see them!” my mama and I state at the same time with excitement. With a little embarrassment my sister pulls out both her melons and we all start laughing. “They look a bit more like mine,” my mama says, as she then pulls down her own nightgown to reveal her huge I’ve-had-nine-kids boobs. As the three of us are standing in the kitchen with flushed cheeks and cheeky smiles looking at each others boobs, my brother yells out from the next door room, “Aiiiiii, what is going on in there?

Yes, it’s not very common to talk about boobs in an open way, unless it has to do with something sexual or with breastfeeding. People seem to think, that boobs have to look in a certain way before they’re beautiful. They have to be round and big but not too big, and be perky and tight but still at bit soft. Shit! I think most of us have to go to the operation room straight away, if we want to reach that ideal. But what if there was no such thing as the internet? What if we couldn’t go to an operation room to get “fixed“? What if we still walked around in tribes with our breasts hanging loose? What if…

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We women often look at our breasts with criticism. We want them bigger, smaller, more tight, we want smaller nipples or maybe bigger nipples, we want them to look like those breasts we continuously see on posters, in movies and in porn, because we’ve learnt that those breasts are perfect. Sure there’s many men and women out there that love all the various shape and sizes that boobs can possess and that’s great! But that still doesn’t change the fact, that the social media only advertise boobs that look natural on 18-year old girls.

Our breasts change their size and shape along with everything else that changes form on our bodies. As we grow older so does our breasts. Yes, my boobs are smaller now than they were 2 years ago. Why? I’m not sure. Maybe I lost weight on them, maybe gravity is catching up on me or maybe I shouldn’t think about it and just accept, that they’re perfect the way they are at this very moment. I love touching my breasts and often fall asleep cupping them in my hand. I love showing them off and having a man touch them. I love massaging them and giving myself the joy of feeling the sensations they create in my body. I can’t wait to breastfeed with them, knowing that they carry the holy life-force my babies will need in order to survive. Yes.. It has taken me a while to fully accept them for who they are, but I love them and as much as I nurture them with touch, they nurture me with their presence – they make me feel like a woman.

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You know… Your breasts have the capacity of giving you immense pleasure and bodily orgasms, but if you get them “fixed” for whatever reason, it might reduce the heavenly sensations you’ll be able to feel from getting them caressed, because the chances of surgery blocking out your nerve endings are quite high.

Your breasts have the capacity of feeding your children, making them strong and healthy, but if you don’t massage and give them love, it might make it harder for you to breastfeed, as stimulation of the breasts release hormones like oxytocin and prolactin, that affects the lactation in women that are breastfeeding.

Your breasts also have the capacity of attracting men into your life, giving them the pleasure of seeing, kissing and loving them, making you feel that you’re beautiful. But please don’t think that your breasts are in this world to pleasure only men and babies – they’re also here to pleasure and nourish yourself.

Women – let’s set ourselves free from the dark chains of the social media and of our own thoughts of what the perfect bosom looks like. Let’s touch and massage what our bodies were given, and look for the beauty they withhold. The more we choose to love our amazing gift to women, the more we will actually start loving ourselves – with or without saggy boobs.


Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

 

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Do you ever finger your man?

I don’t think I’ll ever put a finger up someones ass.” I once told my sister many years ago, who beamed a big smile as she agreed with me. “I could do it if I wore gloves though”, she then added and we both started giggling..

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But I got older and about two years ago I did finger a man… without gloves. We were lying in my bed, cuddling and kissing when things took another turn and got a little hot. As he was close to ejaculating, he stammered with his half swedish accent; “Put your finger in my ass.” I remember feeling a sudden rush of anxiety of having to push my limit a little further and felt like a virgin all over again. But I licked on my finger and slowly tried to find his hole. You might be thinking, how hard can it be? Well, for someone that’s never touched a guy around that area before, it wasn’t a piece of cake, especially because this guy seemed to have a particular small asshole.

Aha, there it was! I was lingering around the outskirts of the hole, touching him lightly and careful feeling a bit scared to enter, when he took my hand and pushed my finger inside him. Uh, he really liked that, and I discovered, that it was just like putting a finger up my own ass, warm and soft but very tight and a little more hairy. I was trying to find his prostate but really had no clue as to how far up it was, when he started telling me what to do with my finger – perfect, thank you! – I felt a sensation of relief the moment he took control over the finger-in-the-ass situation, that I just wasn’t familiar with, and minute or so later he yelled out in ectasy and collasped on top of me.

I was seeing this guy for quite a while, and very quickly became accustomed to sticking my finger up his ass. It never came out dirty or smelly, and he really seemed to love it, so I felt good about doing it. And it now feels like a very normal thing to do if the guy wants it.

Most people know about the womans G-spot, but not nearly as many are aware of the fact, that men also have a sort of G-spot, which is found inside their anus and is called the prostate. The prostate is situated 4-7 cm inside the anus and can be found when you press your finger a bit upwards towards the belly, it’s about the size of a walnut and also feels a bit like one.

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There’s around 10.000-12.000 nerveendings around the rectum, which makes that whole area unbelievably erogenous. Many men have described their prostate – or anal orgasm to be deeper and more intense than a “normal” orgasm from penis stimulation.

Unfortunately many men still have a problem with getting their rectums touched, as they consciously or subconsciously connect it with being “gay”. I’ve met men who almost started freaking out if I wanted or tried to play with that part of their body, therefore I think all men should try to experiment with their anus by themselves or with someone they feel completely relaxed with. It’s important that we embrace the body we were given and play with all the sensations that comes from touching it, as it brings us closer to connecting with ourselves and makes us feel more comfortable with who we are.

The anus is just another part of your body. Embrace and play with it, because you might like it.

 


 

Loving smiles,

Theresa Johanne

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